Why is a still mind not so simple to attain?

Vivekananda rock memorial. (Source: goibibo.com)

After completing my meditation class at a virtual tech conference this past weekend, as I always do, I opened the floor to people for any questions they might have around their meditation today or meditation in general. Usually, people are shy about their personal experiences with meditation, but I had one particularly young engineer step up and ask me a question — “why is keeping a still mind that’s seemingly simple, seem like the most difficult thing to do? I just hate it that I can’t meditate”.

It’s not the first time I’ve been asked this question, however, it was something about the gleam in this early-20’s man’s eye, that made me pause for a minute. In turn, I asked him “Why is it that you think you can’t keep a still mind?”. To which he answered — “because I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind at all times despite trying hard to control or stop them. What do I need to do in order to meditate?”. I could tell he truly was a seeker, hungry for direction. In some ways reminding me of my own spiritual journey, reading books, and almost never finding answers. My answer to him was short — “Preparation”. As with the 80–20 Pareto rule, most anything is 80% planning and 20% execution. The same is true with meditation as well.

If you want to commit to a meditation practice, it’s more important that you understand and commit to pre-requisites as your first set of hurdles and barriers.

“What are these pre-requisites?” he asked. By then some of the class drop off and had most stay back to hear the end of this conversation, possibly because they have faced the same challenge. I politely asked the Zoom room moderator if we could stay a few mins longer. His immediate nod of approval and followed up with an “I want to know too.” made me realize how these pre-requisites were ingrained in me, so much so that I had almost forgotten about them and have taken them for granted.

Now I had an audience, and being put on the spot I had to deliver the message that most often gets misinterpreted —

“Firstly, get over the need or the want to meditate”. There was a silent gasp that could be felt throughout the room. “Our biggest hurdle is this idea that meditation (as an action) is going to help us get focused, relaxed, stress-free, anxiety-free etc. In reality, it does not help with any of these. However, meditation as a way of life can help with all these and more.”

It was an interest in this question, that prompted me to write this blog. So now — “What’s the difference between meditation as an action and meditation as a way of life?” The difference lies is in the way we approach meditation.

When we approach meditation as an active action that we must do once or twice a day, it becomes a task or a chore. If instead, we think of meditation as a state of being, it’s a much more integrated approach that doesn’t require us to dedicate time in the day, because we are now living in meditation throughout our day

These pre-requisites as identified by Swami Ashokanand:

1. Be regular — Stay consistent. Look into “habit stacking” as a way to stay consistent. When you begin don’t judge the quality of your meditation. Don’t try to determine if this helping you or if it’s worth your time. Just trust this process and find any time of the day when your surroundings are quiet.
2. Have a fixed time every day — Best times of the day are early in the morning or dusk. Even if this means starting with only 5–8 mins in one sitting. Find that specific time you believe you can carve out for yourself every single day. Block your calendar as I do, so everyone I work with knows I will be AFK during that time.
3. Have a fixed auspicious place — It’s ideal at least when you are starting out to go to that same place. This can be your office, living room, family room. Wherever it is you can find a quiet space around you, ideally facing east. Don’t limit your place to only the room. An auspicious place can also be a favorite cushion or chair. Include scents, clothing to be the same to increase comfort and a sense to draw you back into your safe space so you look forward to this time for self-care. Make sure that you don’t increase dependence on your place, so even if it’s not available you are not dependent on it.
4. Patterns of thoughts — Sometimes you may feel more stressed, overwhelmed, and lost in thoughts when in meditation. This is normal for all. You may even feel like you have more thoughts only when in meditation. This is most likely not the case, quite possibly the thoughts were always there, you just didn’t pay attention to them. Since now you are in silence with no distractions, these thoughts may seem more prominent. Prepare yourself in knowing that it’s almost impossible to be completely thought-free. So, because you have thoughts running through your head does not mean you are having a bad day in meditation. Prepare to just witness the thoughts without prejudice. Know that these thoughts — negative, depressing, disturbing, resentful are not you. As you watch your thoughts, you will quickly realize they will pass. Do not use this as a measurement of how good or bad your meditation was. Know that there is no good or bad meditation session.
5. Avoid bad company — not necessarily in the sense that people are bad, but just that they might not be motivating you in the way you would like to stay motivated. It’s better to be alone than being in bad company. Also, it’s important to distinguish between being alone VS being lonely.
6. Austere living — You do not have to take drastic measures to ensure austerity in comfort, sleep, food, enjoyment, company, entertainment etc as it’s not sustainable. Wherever you feel you are really comfortable, tighten it up a little bit and discover new comfort zones. Your mind and body might not be ready for this, but that’s a good thing. Idea is to help your mind to focus and concentrate in a way to help you build and adapt to this new lifestyle all around. As an example, if you wake up at 7 AM every day there is no need to set your alarm the next day for 3 AM just because some celebrity said it’s the best time for them. But do so to show yourself that you have made and kept up with that extra effort. So, now try waking up at 6:45 AM instead. Do this across all areas of comfort. This really helps in overcoming obstacles on days when you might not be feeling too great, but still need to keep the motivation to meditate. Again, it’s important to listen to your body and mind on how much is too much of an adjustment else extremes are not sustainable.
7. Cast off identities — As you settle down into your meditation cast off all your identities of a father, mother, son, daughter, boss, employee. To realize that nothing in this world depends on us. Detach your role in life for the time that you are meditating. Think of it this way, when you are asleep don’t you detach yourself from these life roles you play? In the same way, we cast off our bondages to anyone and everyone and come together with the self. The only difference is that in meditation we do this being fully alert.
8. Yearning for knowing your true self — It’s understandable to not know what the divine is or what it is you are looking for. However, if you constantly question or lack the yearning for wanting to understand your true nature.
9. Keep awareness throughout the day — There are many ways to keep and build awareness and connect with yourself throughout the day. Whether it means to take a few seconds out from your workday to stare out of the window into the scenery and admire it or close your eyes for a few seconds to check in with yourself and see how you are doing. This is a way to not forget why you are doing all of this in the very first place. It’s so you enjoy and enliven the experience of every single moment of your day. Initially, this may seem like a task because your day is so busy, but over time it will become second nature.
10. Motivating company — Think of the times that you have been to a college gathering or been in the presence of motivational speakers made you change the way you thought of a certain topic. Continuing to be in the light of such people who motivate you in taking your towards your goal is the final important pre-requisite in keeping you on track on your meditation journey